Why New Year’s resolutions miss the point, but your inner compass doesn’t
In the children’s nursery rhyme, Incy Wincy Spider repeatedly climbs up the waterspout, only to be flushed out again and again by the rain. Then, when the sun comes out and “dries up all the rain”, Incy Wincy Spider climbs up the spout again.
At this time of year, we are all Incy Wincy Spiders. With the hustle and bustle of Christmas behind us, the New Year looms as an opportunity to make fresh resolutions. Despite knowing the rain will probably come and wash us out again, we look at the waterspout of life and optimistically say to ourselves: “I’m having another go.”
And why not?
What’s so wrong with making New Year’s resolutions?
Well…. I say: everything.
Facing the end of one year and the beginning of another, we turn the artificial ending of the Gregorian calendar into a watershed moment; intending to rekindle relationships, find new jobs, lose those kilos, or stop bad habits. And whether the rain comes on the 2nd of January or in the middle of March, we already know, from previous climbs up the waterspout, where these great intentions usually end.
It’s not that I have a problem with new beginnings. I just think we stand stronger if a new beginning is allowed to bubble up from deep inside, accompanied by the right attitude, strength, and perseverance. That moment does not arrive on demand on the 1st of January.
New years, plural
Now luckily, New Year’s Day is only one of many calendarised new beginnings. I personally experience the midwinter solstice as a new beginning of sorts. And for those who follow the Julian calendar, the New Year falls on our 14th of January. And then there is the Human Design New Year, on the 22nd of January, when the Original Visionary kicks off a new cycle.
Now if you’ve already been washed down the spout by then, you can jump back on board in February with the Chinese New Year. Or in April, when the sun moves into Aries, and we enter the astrological New Year. And on and on it goes, up the waterspout, down the waterspout.
And on a small side note; if you’ve been feeling particularly tearful or vulnerable these last few weeks, then you need to know that until the 26th of January, the emotional and dreamy planet of Neptune is holding us hostage in a zone between “no longer” and “not yet.” Sensitive people feel this keenly, and it is certainly not a climate that supports traditional 1st of January resolutions.
We don’t move in straight lines
New Year thinking tempts us into linear thinking: I’ll start on the 1st of January and move forwards from there. But we don’t move like that. We move in cycles, spiralling sideways around the mountain, like an orange peel. We keep meeting the same views, just from a slightly higher perspective.
We are meant to be washed out of the waterspout. Failure is just a dirty word for experience. It’s how we learn.
Your inner calendar
There are plenty of “new resolution” bandwagons we can hop on and off, if we need a date to muster resolve. But why not use your own inner calendar or compass, to tell you when to begin your self-healing or self-empowering endeavour?
In my experience, the closer you are to your inner compass, the more support you receive from that deeper, wiser self.
So if you want to make a fresh start with anything right now, let it be a closer relationship with that inner guide. Instead of jumping on the New Year’s bandwagon, listen to the deep undercurrent of wisdom that guides you, regardless of the date on the calendar.
Laughing in the rain
Moving forward from that place of inner connection gives you perseverance and determination. And so, when the rain flushes you out again, and you have to start again, you can laugh in the face of despair, and resume the quest a little wiser, a little stronger, and a little closer to your truest self.
From that place, we don’t just cultivate resilience in our own lives. We also step into the role each of us came here to play. The world needs us to be self-empowered, authentic, and guided by our own moral code, our own inner compass, and yes, our own calendar.
That’s how we end up in the right place, at the right time, as the right version of ourselves. So, what does your inner calendar say right now? Are you climbing, resting, or have you just been washed back down the spout?
Leave a comment or contact me directly if there are issues raised in this article that you want to explore more deeply.
And if you want to know more about my work as a counsellor, then please visit my new website at truest-self.com. You will find the link in the Substack article. And I will be looking forward to hearing from you.
Lysanne Sizoo, international Mental Health specialist
With over two decades of experience, Lysanne Sizoo specializes in assisting expatriates, international professionals, and global nomads facing mental health challenges. Her professional journey has taken her to the United Kingdom, Sweden, New Zealand, and the Netherlands. In 2023 she relocated from Holland back to Stockholm for the second time around and meets clients both online and in her office on Södermalm.
Living away from one’s native country comes with its unique set of psychological hurdles, alongside the everyday ups and downs of life. This holds true for global nomads, cross-cultural adults, and children alike.
In these articles Lysanne writes about the different challenges that face us in life, as expats and as ordinary human beings. She uses her own experience as a jumping off point for reflections on how to use the lessons from therapy to live a more contended and congruent life.
If you have specific topics or issues that you’d like Lysanne to explore in her articles, please reach out via the contact form on this website or directly through her personal website. Rest assured, your privacy and confidentiality will be upheld.
